The Beautiful Look On People’s Face When You Haven’t Read Their Email.

The Beautiful Look On People’s Face When You Haven’t Read Their Email.

It’s a priceless moment. It’s 10 am and I haven’t read their email yet. How dare I not let my after-hours universe revolve around their need to CC me on every email known to humankind.

They ask me if I’ve seen the email about the meeting we’re having later. I say ‘no.’ In that moment, they have this beautiful look on their face that I wish I could bottle and put in The Museum of Modern Art for everybody to see.

The look they give me is one of confusion. They are trapped in another dimension that tells them to worship email as if it were Baby Jesus. Their to-do list has a default line item called ‘email.’ It’s not written on most people’s to-do list, but it’s implied and often an unconscious habit.

Am I some kind of weirdo because I spend large amounts of time not looking at email?

Did the world really end because I missed an email?

The obsession with email.

If there were a pie chart of our life, it would show at least 25% of it been wasted on email — that’s a guess for those with a degree in statistics.

Someone asked me the other day if I’d join Slack. Known to some as the never-ending meeting which I place squarely in a location I’ve not visited called Never-Ever Land.

Back to reality: “Fuck no” I was thinking in my head, quietly, while trying to remain professional and represent the #HappyWorkplace culture.

We’re obsessed with email and now we can get it on our phone. Like a slot machine at the casino, it just keeps going off, yet you don’t get ever get the jackpot.

You wake up with email, you have lunch with email, and some of you even make love, while looking at emails on your watch go off in-between orgasms.

The cavemen and cavewomen didn’t have email. They led a simple life of eating, making a fire and trying not to get eaten by a Saber Tooth Tiger who has had a bad day.

There was no email to distract them from surviving the harshness of nature. If they had of been swiping right in the middle of the jungle that’d be dead.

Email is like an out of control ex.

It takes away my time.
I can’t do my work.
My inbox is full of emails that are not meant for me.
I don’t get to decide who can and can’t email me.

Email takes away your decision power to run your life and it’s difficult to tame even though the productivity junkies will give you weird and wonderful ways to manage your inbox.

The only half-baked solution that works is less email.

Finally, this is why I haven’t read your email.

I want to enjoy life and that happens when I live for a while in the beautiful serenity of aeroplane mode where I’m not told about an upcoming project, new piece of software or cc’d on another email that I don’t need to know about.

Your email is important to YOU.

The harsh truth is it’s unlikely to be important to me because it’s probably all about you, without taking any regard for what matters to me.

Disclaimer: not all email is the selfish devil, but a lot of it is.

Spare a thought next time you send another email. Someone like me could be on the other end of it hoping to have some time away from reading endless lines of text.

The meaning of life is far more interesting than email.

Do your best to have a good life without email — or at worst, less email. You deserve better.

One thought on “The Beautiful Look On People’s Face When You Haven’t Read Their Email.

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